My day

Here's what the Yahoo horrorscope says my day is going to be like;

Your level of physical and mental energy should be very high today, dear Cancer, and so you might feel restless throughout the morning. As a result, you might spend your afternoon and evening out and about, shopping, paying visits, and attending classes or lectures. Some stimulating discussions could take place. At some point, you might find yourself admiring a park or garden. Don't try to do too much, and enjoy your day.

Here's what it should actually say;

Your level of physical and mental energy should be very low today, dear Cancer. So much so that you feel like resting your head on your desk and sobbing. You'll have a banging headache and feel as rough as a dogs arse, like a hangover without the pleasure of drinking the night before. You'll feel much better by lunchtime though when you'll manage to stuff a sausage and egg barm down your gullet. You'll spend your day sat at the same desk you always do, avoiding work by surfing the internet and listening to the torrential rain on the roof of the portacabin. Some distinctly average conversations will take place including one where your sexy boss laughs and calls you a drama queen for leaving a message on her answering machine saying you'll be late yet again because of the 'bloody traffic'. At some point you may find yourself admiring her arse. On the plus side though, it turns out a couple of your chums are paying a surprise visit to your home city to sink a few beverages. Try to make an effort, eh?