Gnash!

There's nothing more guaranteed to make me feel utterly utterly stupid than having to report a technical fault to an IT Support helpline. Particularly if the person on the other end is a c**t. (Sorry about the C word - I thought I'd overused twat). I thought it couldn't get any worse than speaking to someone halfway across the world in Bangladesh who, as well as having a strong accent, speaks very quickly and knows alot more about computers than I do, using technical terms that leave me flummoxed. No, what's worse is speaking to some work-shy inbred sexist c**t in Cornwall. I'm not really very good at explaining things at the best of times but trying to log a fault on my work PC is even more difficult. FFS I couldn't even remember the phrase 'dialogue box' until a colleague prompted me. There's an Access database I use every day for my work. Populating two particular fields with a date should trigger a dialogue box, the contents of which I then print off. Except that it frequently doesn't trigger and I have to exit out of the database & go back in again to rectify it. Its been happening since before I even started with the company and my boss who (importantly) used to be an IT bod is well aware of it and has been trying to sort it out with the Engineer who periodically visits from Cornwall.

Anyhoo, boss is off for two weeks, engineer is due in on Monday and we've had an email saying that if we want him to sort anything out we have to log it with the helpdesk. Hence me logging the call. We think its a problem with the hard drive. Cornwall c**t thinks its the database itself. Today he rang to ask who created the database. I thought it was my boss but I wasn't sure,

"Well if you can find out which chap created it, they'll have to sort it out themselves."
"But everyone else uses the same database & never has a problem. We think its my hard drive." "Mmmmmm, no don't think so."

I ring back a little later.

"Its my boss who created the database, Joanne XXX"
"Well ask John..."
"Joanne!"
"Oh so its Joan...?"
"No Joanne."
"Maybe she doesn't understand what she needs to do?"
"She used to be an IT Support assistant. I think she understands perfectly."
Snort of derision from Cornwall c**t.
"Yeah well, we'll take a look at it but I don't think there's anything we can do."

Tosser.

At least I defended my boss's honour. I wish I could've done it the traditional way though. You know, by taking a very sharp, very big sword to the uncouth knave and running him through.