Revenge is sweet

Or a dish best served cold. Whatever. Snidey little troll is really getting on my somewhat ample tits. Snidey comments here, deciding that when I do something she has a problem with it but if she & her mates do it that's ok (like all going to the canteen at the same time leaving me to field phone calls alone) there, ass kissing all over the place, referring to me as 'minger'...

Oh they think I don't know but thanks to a little slip-up by one of our managers, a very nice bloke called Tim who I once danced saucily with at a works do, I've put two and two together. I will hereby refer to the snidey troll as Fat Slag and her sycophantic, spineless mate as Fat Slag's Muppet. Tim was looking over Muppet's shoulder at something. "Minger's? Who's minger?" he questioned. "Shhh! Shhh!" Muppet said in a panicked way as if someone would overhear. I was the only one in earshot. Hmmm, wonder who it could be? I know it all sounds very petty and childish. You'd be right to think so. Basically, Fat Slag & Muppet are two young, terminally stupid girls whose minds haven't evolved beyond the playground and I'm their chosen target. So naturally I want revenge. And by god I'm going to get it.

Karma is already working its etherial magic. Fat Slag is pissing alot of people off lately. "Who the fuck does she think she is?" is a phrase I'm hearing frequently. But I want more. This afternoon/evening it started.

Fat Slag has been given our boss's digital camera to look after until he can pick it up. She's locked it in Muppet's drawer and Muppet put the key in Fat Slag's top drawer. I was the last person out of the office so I took the key out and put it in the next drawer down. Its in plain sight but in the wrong drawer. I'm not in work on Monday so they'll have a nice little panic when they realise the key isn't where Muppet left it but it shouldn't take them long to find it. Fat Slag also has a bag of clothes under her desk for some inexplicable reason. Two items have made their way into my possession and will be finding themselves in the charity shop first thing tomorrow.

I also know Fat Slag's address since I was invited to her house a couple of years ago. What do do with it though? I have several options;

1) Order pizza in her name.
2) Fill out her name in all those ads you get in the back of magazines for plastic surgery/catalogues/hearing aids & send them off (only the Freepost ones) so she gets loads of junk mail.
3) Design a flyer for a fabulous party at her house when I know she'll be in & hand them out in the local pubs. The local pubs being the roughest this side of Baghdad.
4) Send her porn catalogues (don't ask how I got them).
5) Send laxative-laced foodstuffs.

Oh so many to choose from. Which first? Any preferences? Any other fabulous suggestions? (nothing too illegal please)

Feel free to throw your rotten tomatoes at me I don't care.