Guilt, anger, fear and shame

Guilt and shame

I've had the last 2 days off work (other than today obv) and have done nothing, nada, nicto. I'm kidding myself that its a money thing but it really isn't. I'm not usually such a lazy cow, I'm quite pro-active. I'll make sure I get up & go out somewhere or do something worthwhile but this time I haven't. All I've done is doze, watch telly and eat. And it was such a lovely day yesterday. I've needed a rest after the play which was on this last week but I'm not *that* tired. What's wrong with me? I couldn't even be bothered blogging. I tried to make up for it yesterday by doing some washing & cleaning the kitchen but it didn't make me feel any better. I need to make an effort with the remaining couple of days off til I go back to work. Particularly doing some prep work for the one act play I'm directing which brings me neatly to...

Fear

Ye gods what do I get myself into? I agreed to direct this play as I was struck by inspiration at the time of reading it but now I'm quaking in my boots. There were problems casting the male parts as most people are on holiday during the rehearsal period. I suggested someone in particular but in the vain hope that no-one would take me up on it but they have!!! Its not that he's a bad actor - far from it - but he's a veteran of the group and there's a certain amount of ego involved. I don't want him to camp it up or mug too much but I'm afraid that thats exactly what he's going to do. I'm also scared that I just can't cut the mustard. Its the first proper play I've ever directed ie with a paying audience other than odd little bits of plays at college. But those were only seen by teachers & other students. For free. It'll help that my best mate is playing the other female role (I'm playing the main one) and I know she'll give me so much support but it doesn't assuage my fear. Maybe once a couple of rehearsals are in the bag I'll be ok...

Anger

It seems I've been kicked off a Yahoo group. A particularly sad individual, who happens to be a moderator of the group posted an incomprehensible message that didn't actually have a point other than to insult someone about their weight. I was the first to give a response - literally a 'What was the point of that?' reply to which said knob head told me to get a life if I can't laugh at such stuff. I wasn't the only person to protest at the insult. I responded by saying that if getting a life meant putting up with pathetic insults like that then I'd do without and left it at that. I've gone back into my account today and it looks like I've been kicked off. What a pathetic loser. Other than him they all seemed to be rational, likeable adults. I'm loathe to just leave it at that but what can I do? Well, I have done something. Lets just say there's more than one way to skin a cat. What do do from there though? Email him personally (and it won't be a pleasant one)? Email the other mods/group owners? Answers on a postcard please....