My brother the idiot

Its official. My brother is the stupidest twat this side of Jade Goody's salon. I've just commented that I'm suffering with indigestion which the Gaviscon doesn't seem to be touching. His solution?

Colonic irrigation.

Yes, you heard right. He doesn't know his arse from his oespohagus. "Wrong end!" I kindly pointed out. "Oh not really, its all part of the digestive system." he countered. "Yes, but the stomach is up here (pointing to my stomach) and colonic irrigation works down here (pointing to my arse)." I said. He then said something else which I tuned out but the gist was that he was right and I was wrong. As usual. Would someone please get this man a medical textbook? Or better still, Janet & John's guide to basic human anatomy for 5 year olds?

Its a constant source of immense irritation that he always thinks he knows better than everyone else including scientists, medical professionals, our mother etc. I've long since given up arguing with him because its just so utterly fucking pointless. He never, ever listens. Never acknowledges that the other person may actually know what they're talking about. No-one else could ever possibly be right.

Colonic irrigation is the solution, but not for my indigestion. Its the cure for his talking out of his fucking arse.