Mutter, grumble

I've been trying to avoid signing up for this new upgraded blog but tonight it seems I've had no choice. Every time I tried to sign in to my old account it sent me back to the upgrade form. So here I am.

Just popping on to say hello really. I've been ever so busy the last couple of weeks, rehearsing for the play & whatnot. It starts tomorrow. I'm shitting myself. Its the biggest part I've ever done and its very wordy, full of exposition and a thriller so some bits of the dialogue are essential. Its also the first play in the new year which always has less rehearsal time than any other play due to the Xmas hols & stuff. I've got this huge (almost) monologue in the second half, which consists of me explaining events that led to something that is the crux of the whole play. I've been struggling so much with it. Thursday's rehearsal was the first time it went really well, almost flawless. And like I said, it starts tomorrow. Today's rehearsal wasn't so good for me personally. I almost completely lost it at one point. I think I'm at an age where my memory is starting to go. Not that I'm ancient or anything but I'm starting to feel like I don't remember things so well anymore. I've been taking these chewy vitamins with Omega 3 to help me along and it seems to be doing the trick slightly but, well, I've been doing alot of soul searching lately. I'm not entirely sure whether to give up the acting entirely and move to directing or maybe stick with it & just do small parts. I think I'd quite like to do more comedy. A really good silly character. I did a Vicky Wood sketch a while ago that I thoroughly enjoyed. We got such a huge raucous belly laugh from the audience. I loved it. I'd also love to do more musicals. I'd love to do Chicago or Grease or maybe Rocky. There's a local group who do exclusively musicals afaik. Oh and after watching Acorn Antiques I'd love to do that too. Decisions, decisions.

It'll have to wait a while anyway. I've got a small part in Adrian Mole the musical towards the end of spring/start of summer. Not a singing role unfortunately but at least I don't have pages and pages of dialogue to remember.

So. This is it. By the time I blog again we'll be half way through probably. Oh dear god I hope I get through this week. Work is going to be hell for the foreseeable future too. Long story but a bloke I work with who's really good at his job and who I rely on a fair bit is moving to a different job within the company and being temporarily replaced by someone who is utterly crap & clueless. But then after the next two weeks I won't give a shit as I'll be over the other side of the pond in sunny California. Bliss.

An ill wind

Gosh what larks we've had in the portacabin today. Listening to the wind howling outside, listening to the reports of accidents and road closures, wondering whether the roof was going to be ripped off like the lid of a tin can. Fortunately we escaped unscathed and indeed, early. Due to the various road closures we were allowed to leave mid afternoon providing any urgent work was done. Hurrah! I didn't notice much damage on the journey home save for a couple of trees that had fallen in Little Hulton. I believe they narrowly missed a couple of chavs, it being one of the many chav ghettos in the area. Shame. Oh and what was the afternoon film on Five when I got home? Tornado. Oh how I laughed.

Home was ok by the way. No structural damage but I couldn't see our wheelie bin or recycling tub anywhere. Bro tells me they're in next door's drive sandwiched behind a car.

And finally, just to jump on the bandwagon, on to the debacle that is Big Brother. I am of course, righteously offended. I know I'm white and lower middle class so maybe my feelings don't count much but I do think it is absolutely disgusting. I mean, how many times *do* I have to look at Jade Goody's ugly fat gob flapping about on the telly?

Change my dear

I think I've reached a point today where I'm committing myself to getting fit, losing weight and beig more healthy. I was sat eating lunch in a cafe today but feeling a bit dodgy. My heart was pounding even though I hadn't done any exercise or anything and I had a headache which got me worrying. My brother has had problems with high blood pressure for a couple of years and I got paranoid that I'd developed the same problem (he has a racing heartbeat and headaches if he doesn't take his beta blockers). I really don't want to go down the route of having the same health problems as him especially as he's recently been diagnosed diabetic too. I may just be being paranoid and stupid but at least its given me a kick up the bum. So instead of strolling around town this afternoon I tried to walk faster, getting my heart pumping in a good way and getting myself a little out of breath without pushing myself too hard. I only did five, maybe ten minutes but I feel a bit better for it even if it is only psychosematic. I'm trying to fix in my mind the way I feel right now (more positive and cheerful) so when I feel like I can't be bothered or I feel like giving up I can think back to how good the exercise makes me feel. If nothing else I'm hoping I'll be less stressed, moody and prone to mild depression.

Feeling inspired, I've written down a little list of commitments to myself, the most important of which (and possibly the hardest for me) are getting up earlier in the morning so I can eat a proper healthy breakfast and walking more every day.

I've also decided to;

Drink more water
Stay off the caffeine (I'd been happily off the caff for a few years until 18 months ago when I started on it again while at work. My withdrawal headaches on the weekends have been awful so over the Xmas holidays I managed to wean myself off again)
Drink one cup of green tea per day
Take one of my chewy multi vits & omega 3 per day
Eating more fresh food instead of ready meals (so eventually I won't need to take the multi vits)

Its only a start but its something. I think I've picked things I can fairly easily commit to without getting too down if I lapse occasionally.

Writing this here will help to keep me focussed I hope. It'll give me more of an incentive to keep going if other people know I'm doing it. I'm posting this in other places too. My reasoning is that the more places I post this, the more people I tell, the more committed I'll be and the more I'll stick to my plan. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Fly me to the moon

Please. Had a rotten couple of days this week. This is going to seem so trivial to other people but I'm really pissed off with my family. We'd talked about going to see Casino Royale together, the three of us. Make a note of those words... TOGETHER.....THREE. I didn't hear anything more about it for a while then this Monday I was off work and it seems that Bro had forgotten I said I was off. He'd only gone and arranged with Mum to see CR on Monday. WHEN HE THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO BE AT WORK!!! Only he got caught out didn't he? So when he realised I wasn't in work he knocked on my bedroom door and said he and mum were going to see CR and did I want to come? I told him I wasn't ready (I'd just got out of the shower) and had things to do anyway. What a fucking pair of twats. They *knew* I wanted to go and see it with them and they arranged to go without me! C**ts.

If that was an isolated incident I would have said something to them and got over it but it really isn't. Its just the latest in a long, long list of c**ty things they've done to me. You kind of expect twelve year olds to do this to each other, but not adults FFS. What the fuck have I done to deserve that?

I got upset. Really upset. I know some of you reading this are going to think I'm being stupid but really this is only the tip of an iceberg that stretches back a few years. I think its more my Bro that's doing it actually. Especially since a simliar thing is happening with a couple of his mates. They used to occasionally invite me to stuff, just to the pub or if they were having a bit of a day out, not blokey nights or anything like that. Suddenly they've stopped inviting me to anything. I might see them if they come round here for a night in but that's it. Nothing's happened. There's been no row or anything, I still get on with them, they don't treat me any differently, there's no awkwardness as if I'd done or said anything to offend that I wasn't aware of. Just over. Not that I depend on them for a social life or anything. And they're his mates when all's said and done but WTF?

And various stuff with my mum, arranging for days out when he's off and I'm at work. Which wouldn't be a bother really, we all do stuff seperately from one of the others sometimes. But sometimes I've said I've wanted to go with them and I get fucking lame excuses. They arrange to go out on a day when I'm at work and say "Oh well, you were at work..." and so many times I've said. "Yes but if you let me know, I can book a day's holiday." and still they do it.

Once they actually let me go with them. I thought the world was going to implode. It didn't but mum spent the entire time doing this really fucking annoying thing where she sucks her teeth which she knows damn well fucking annoys me, presumably so that I'd have such a miserable fucking time that I wouldn't want to go with them again. (And no, she doesn't do it all the time - just when she wants rid of me. Does she really think I'm that fucking stupid?)

Even on the odd weekend away its the same thing. She'll ask what I want to do so I'll say something but then its "Oh well, you go and do that on your own & we'll do something else." Or, get this, a few years ago we arranged a trip to London for around my birthday and they wanted me to pick a show to watch. So I suggested a couple. They picked something completely different that I hadn't even expressed an interest in but which they wanted to watch. So what was the fucking point of asking me then? And sorry, who's birthday was it again?

And then there's restaurants. I'll be asked to suggest something but then nothing I suggest is good enough. There's always some reason why they don't want to go there. There's a post on here somewhere where I'm astounded that they agreed to go somewhere I picked & then actually liked it. I often feel that they'd rather I wasn't around. So they can be happy as larry together and all their problems will magically disappear because I won't be there to cause them. And alot of the time I feel like just fucking off and leaving them to it. If it weren't for a lack of money I'd have done it by now. I'm sure I'd be a saner, happier person for it.

Kerfuffle

Late to the fray as usual, I've just discovered this site via Will's and read about the appalling treatment of the lady in question by a Sunday Times journalist by the name of Nicholas Hellen. If any of you folks who read my blog (all 4 of you ;) ) buy the Sunday Times or know someone that does could you please boycott? And if you know where NH lives could you please give him a good kick in the nadgers from me? Tosser.

Nicholas Hellen, yesterday.

Happy New Year

Ooh, first post of 2007. Where has the time gone, eh?

Happy New Year everyone!

I raise my glass of Southern Comfort & lemonade to you all.

Just been watching a bit of the BBC coverage from the embankment which took me right back to the Minnellium (sic) when I was there with my chums watching the fireworks, sharing a bottle of champers and a spliff, kissing lots of strangers, boogieing the night away and wishing Celia Imrie a happy new year as I happened upon her and a friend on a back street. (they wished me one back, aw).

This year I couldn't be arsed going anywhere & forking out for a taxi back home so I'm here in the house listening to Boy George on Radio 2 and I've stuffed myself with so much junk I feel a bit nauseous. Next year I'm definitely making the effort to go somewhere to party. Staying at home sucks.