English stressed

I just had to come on here and have a good old rant. Today I have been taking an English test. Its just a little thing through the agency, getting paid to sit it for a company that is formulating the test for foreign nationals. Now, I don't actually have much information about what the test is for other than what I've just said. I wonder whether its anything to do with a citizenship test or the new legislation coming into effect (if it hasn't already) that makes it difficult for immigrants to come here unless they've got some sort of job/qualification we need (much like the Australian points system if you know what I mean). Which is why I imagined that it was just a basic English test ie testing grammar, punctuation etc.

What I actually got was an exam seeing if I understood molecular biology and environmental science. What.... the ..... fuck?! Ah so its a test for foreign national nuclear physicists is it? Or foreign national brain surgeons? Foreign national marine biologists? Anyone? Anyone? Admittedly there were a few questions about English; select the verbs in this sentence, fill in the blank words from this drop down list, read out the sentence etc but half the questions weren't a test of English at all. Or didn't seem to be. The first couple of questions seemed to be about how quickly you could take notes and then summarise them (ok this might be vaguely language related), another about how quickly you could type. By far the worst ones were where you had to listen to an excerpt from a lecture on some complex scientific subject and then describe in your own words what the lecturer was saying. Say what?! How the fuck is that a test of someone's ability to understand English per se? I speak the language fluently and I couldn't understand a fucking word. And I'm not sure if it was because the speech was taken out of context but one chap just seemed to be randomly wittering on about fish. The best I could grasp was, "Sometimes the fish want to feed but sometimes they don't which could be really bad.". I don't think I've ever felt so utterly stupid in my entire life. Well, I probably have but it loses the effect otherwise.

I'm not a thicko. I'd say I was reasonably intelligent. I can string a sentence together which is more that some people manage these days. But how is asking someone to explain complex scientific concepts a test of their ability to understand English? Its like an optician testing your eyesight by getting you to fart the theme from Dad's Army. Is it going to get you to the train station in time for the 3.20 to Chiswick? Or get you a meat & potato pie from Dave's van outside the football stadium? Or secure a room in a Blackpool B&B? What practical use/application does it have?

Maybe its not a test for the average Joe (or Juan) and that's why its so unnecessarily complicated. If so, why get people like me to complete it? I'm baffled. I skipped quite a few questions. I was tempted to give a sarcastic answer but thought it might stop me from getting paid. At least its over now. I was so stressed. I know it doesn't amount to a hill of beans compared to alot of things that are going on in the world right now. Never again. Never.

Oh, and it doesn't inspire much confidence when there's an elementary spelling mistake on one of the first screens. How can someone who doesn't know the difference between 'too' and 'to' test other people on their English? *sigh*

Another one bites.... the dust.

Happy new year!

Lets hope 2008 is a damn sight better than 2007 was. I keep hearing various astrological personages saying its going to be a fab year but judging by alot of my net friends, 2007 bit the big one anyway so the new year can only be better. Here's hoping.

I signed up with a job agency yesterday so with any luck I'll be working again soon albeit in a temporary capacity. And if their zeal for finding people employment is anything like their fastidiousness over the enrolment process then I should be in good hands. Gawd it was like the Spanish Inquisition. And nobody expects that. I had to go through 20 years worth of jobs detailing what I did, why I left etc. Nightmare! I can barely remember stuff from last week never mind some mind-numbing job I did ten years ago. I needed a stiff drink afterwards.

Other than that I've got a media job to apply for if I can manage to stop myself faffing about on Facebook long enough to get it done. Fingers crossed. If procrastination was a qualification that employers were looking for I'd be a managing director by now. Or by tomorrow anyway. Ho ho.

For now I'm carrying on watching daytime TV, surfing on the net and having fun digging out cds I haven't listened to in years to upload into iTunes. I'm also trying to eke out my finances so that I can still go to LA in February without having to worry. And there's a trip to London at the end of the month. Shit I really need a job. Either that or I'm going to have to join the other dole scum and sign on. I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to that. Enquiries must be made.

Lots of fave programmes are back on imminently. New CSI: Las Vegas tonight and we'll find out whether Sara escapes the clutches of the miniature serial killer. I actually know what happens more or less, thanks to various spoilers I've happened across.

Torchwood is also back very soon, there's new ER later this week and the Life on Mars spin off starts soon. TV is my life at the moment.

Shit I need a job. Quick.

iTunes iNnoyance

This evening I have been mostly uploading my first audiobook to my iTunes library and then to my ipod.

Won't be doing that again.

Its not like uploading your usual music cd. At least this effort wasn't. iTunes couldn't get any track names, cover art etc from Gracenote so I spent about 1/2 an hour typing in all the details, making sure it all matched up etc. Tedious but simple. Or so I thought. Only, you see, it was loaded into my ipod as a 'music' cd not an audiobook as I thought it would. And once it was in my ipod the tracks were in alphabetical order not the correct running order as in my library. Arse! Much faffing around ensued but I really couldn't figure out how to change it. Thankfully Ben A and Noax came to my rescue and, more tedious faffing around changing file names later, I had it in my audiobook section. Only in my ipod its still in the wrong order. Oh well, It'll have to do.

After all that I decided to browse on iTunes for more books. Only to find the very cd I'd just uploaded but £1 more expensive. So I can either buy an actual physical cd cheaply and spend hours pissing about with it to get it mostly right or spend an extra quid and have no hassle. Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe it. Gah!

Big up to the lads btw. Apparently some people do read my blog. A whale of a time was had in the Lass O Gowrie last night watching silly old Dr Who videos and deciding which companions were the foxiest. I still say Leela wins hands down.

And a big up to Bob who turned 40 last week. Much fun was had at his do in Liverpool but I think I'm way too old now to be up that late tramping round the 'Pool in the freezing cold. There was a point in the Chinese where I suddenly felt like I was having a mid-life crisis. I can't remember what triggered it now. That's middle age for you. I've found out that another of my friends is exactly the same age as Bob so a big up to Adele too.

I've discovered more daytime tv to while away my time. I've got into a routine now. Its 'Escape to the Country' to watch people with annoyingly huge amounts of money buy gorgeous houses, then either eps of Frasier I've Sky+ed or DS9 if its an ep I like, various repeats of 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire' and I'll spend the rest of the afternoon in town if I need some shopping or watching more stuff I've Sky+ed or surfing the net. By far the best show I've discovered is a US import called 'The Dog Whisperer'. I've decided that Cesar Millan is my hero and a god. He is to dog training what Kim & Aggie are to house cleaning. Not that I'm a dog person, I'm more into cats but what he does with them is nothing short of amazing. He can take the most psychotic deranged hound and turn it into an adorable bundle of snuggly fun. He always says that its the owners he trains, he just rehabilitates the dogs. Apparently most of the bad behaviour you get in dogs is down to the owner not being a calm assertive pack leader which is first and foremost what a dog needs. It doesn't sound much when I describe it here. Its much better to watch the programme and see what I mean. Go on, you know you want to.