Jobbie

No unfortunately I'm not blogging to say I've got a job. I am trying my utmost to step my search up a notch. I've been far too lazy about getting one and money is running out fast. I've just received two forms for jobs at my local university. Just admin ones but reading the skills list fills me with dread and I've got the old 'I'm not qualified for this!' feeling. I'm terrible at selling myself. I've no confidence at all and I often take one look at the job description and panic. I wish I was better at it. I know I'm intelligent and hard working and capable and reliable but just saying that isn't enough. I went for a little advice sesh at the Jobcentre the other week. It was ok but I don't really feel much better off than I did before. I've got a website to look at for further details. I think it was Learndirect or something.

So I rang one agency I'd sent my cv to who told me they didn't have anything. I tried to ring another but no-one was answering the phone. I've just trawled the Jobcentre website and printed off a couple of job details and I finally got round to uploading my application for a vaguely media related job in Salford.

What else have I been up to? I went to Cardiff a couple of weeks ago for silly Dr Who fan things and we had fun with muppets. Everyone seemed impressed by them and our performance and I got very drunk and silly and created a photo story on my Facebook page of 'When Muppets Go Bad'. Thankfully I don't think I was too embarrassing. The weekend after I went to a friends wedding reception near Birmingham which was great fun and it was really good to see people I hadn't seen for a while. The hotel we stayed in was like the Crossroads Motel but still stuck in the 70s. Appalling decor and really rather dog eared and grubby but at least it wasn't crawling with creatures and everything seemed basically hygenic. Well, apart from one of the glasses in the bathroom with was encrusted with toothpaste. Ew! By all accounts the Premiertravellodgeinn that the rest of them were staying at wasn't much better.

As I mentioned in my previous post I've a tiny weeny piece in the latest issue of Countryfile magazine. Its a column called 'My Country Escape' to which I've contributed a very small part. I've now got a Myspace page, not that I use it much, and am still spending far too much time on Facebook. My thoughts on the new layout are that its probably here to stay so I might as well get used to it. And at least we have Scrabble again though it looks like I can't play against my chums from across the pond. Boo!

And Ugly Betty and The L Word are back! Woo hoo!

Communication breakdown

I think what I really need to do with my life is to become a communication skills consultant for businesses.

Today I have been mostly doing an impression of that famous painting by Munch. I've started a new temp assignment, this time with a different agency. Its hard to know which company is the most crap, the agency or the place I'm actually working at. Everyone is just so bloody vague about everything. I've been told I'll be there for 'a couple of weeks' but no one has bothered to tell me exactly how long that is. Am I there this week and next? Or will I be there the week after as well? This morning I had an induction at a different office to the one I'd be working in. I had to ask what time they wanted me there. If I hadn't, the woman from the agency wouldn't have told me. When I got there I was kept waiting for about 20 minutes because the HR woman wasn't expecting me. Oh joy! All I did was read an info pack and get a badge made up. I made my way to the office at the other side of Bolton. Its not like I went shopping on the way or anything but I didn't exactly rush to get there as the previous day the manager had said "We'll see you when we see you." (this was after he'd said he wasn't sure if I was supposed to go for an induction). I got there at 10.15 to be told that the manager was in a meeting because they'd expected me there at 9.45. Nice of someone to tell me, eh? After a brief tour I was left with the girl who would be training me. Except she couldn't train her way out of a paper bag. Its difficult to describe why she's so rubbish except to say that she was very vague, would only tell me important stuff when prompted by a question, just handed me a sheet with some names & numbers on without going into specifics (or 'pacifics' as she said) about what they did or what half the terms on the sheet meant, muttered something about needing access to the computer but didn't tell me exactly what I needed access to or when I needed to use it... I could go on. Rubbish.

I don't even have a definite start or finish time. I'm told the general office hours are 8.45 til 5pm but that I can sort out with N (the girl who's training me) whether I start and finish early or late as we would take it in turns. She wasn't really willing to give me a straight answer either. And then there was the lunch hour. I can accept that the nature of the job is such that all the calls I take will be different and maybe it doesn't lend itself to a structured training programme but I wasn't even being told the basics. Its a customer service line I'm manning but I've been told just to take messages until N is back from hols next week. Oh yeah, a day and a half 'training' and she goes on hols. Wonderful. God help the poor tenants who are going to ring me. "I'm sorry but I've no real idea what to do with your enquiry, d'you want to take pot luck and I'll put you through to a random name on my list?"

The agency aren't much better. I was sent to an interview last week but given the wrong info about what the job was. When they first rang me about it the woman said it was in Over Hulton on the A6 (or somesuch), even saying herself that the A6 was the road that ran from Manchester to Preston (ie its a fucking long road) then when asked for something more specific she seemed to think that just telling me it was in Over Hulton (on the A6) was enough. Even on the second call they were unwilling to narrow it down. "If you can't find it on Monday just ring us & we'll give you directions." Why not just give me the fucking directions now then I won't have to call you on Monday? They didn't even tell me what the hours were or what the pay was. The guy interviewing me said he'd know whether I'd got the job that afternoon. It took the agency 2 days to tell me that I hadn't got it.

And now to this job. Again they didn't bother telling me the hours or the pay until I prompted them. They couldn't tell me exactly how long I'd be working there and were vague about what time I was supposed to be at my induction. And they've obviously not bothered to tell me that I was supposed to be back at the other office for 9.45 or told the HR lady that I was coming. While I was on my way I got a phone call asking me for details of a referee. Info that I gave them 5 months ago when I signed up FFS!

And now to cap it all, when I got home I've got a form that's been sent to me. Its a form about my tax payments/P45 for the new temp job but I haven't the foggiest idea who its from. No compliments slip, no note, nothing. Is it from the agency? Is it from the Job Centre (I'd tried to sign on again last week as, at that time, no one had called me to offer more work)? Is it from the tax office? Fuck knows. Its a good job I don't have to send it back to the people who sent it to me as I've no fucking idea who they are.

Why are some people just so fucking crap at communicating?

So maybe I should make a corporate video? Design some posters? Become a communications consultant (which, lets face it, might as well be called a 'common sense' consultant or a 'having some fucking manners' consultant) and make a mint?

I need a telepath though. One from TV or film who the general public would recognise. There's plenty of 'em in Babylon 5 but that's a bit too niche. Would the Ood from Dr Who do? Hey, there's a thing...

"Ood have thought it? Telepaths don't actually exist. If I need to know it then you need to open your mouth and tell me."

How's that for a catchphrase?

English stressed

I just had to come on here and have a good old rant. Today I have been taking an English test. Its just a little thing through the agency, getting paid to sit it for a company that is formulating the test for foreign nationals. Now, I don't actually have much information about what the test is for other than what I've just said. I wonder whether its anything to do with a citizenship test or the new legislation coming into effect (if it hasn't already) that makes it difficult for immigrants to come here unless they've got some sort of job/qualification we need (much like the Australian points system if you know what I mean). Which is why I imagined that it was just a basic English test ie testing grammar, punctuation etc.

What I actually got was an exam seeing if I understood molecular biology and environmental science. What.... the ..... fuck?! Ah so its a test for foreign national nuclear physicists is it? Or foreign national brain surgeons? Foreign national marine biologists? Anyone? Anyone? Admittedly there were a few questions about English; select the verbs in this sentence, fill in the blank words from this drop down list, read out the sentence etc but half the questions weren't a test of English at all. Or didn't seem to be. The first couple of questions seemed to be about how quickly you could take notes and then summarise them (ok this might be vaguely language related), another about how quickly you could type. By far the worst ones were where you had to listen to an excerpt from a lecture on some complex scientific subject and then describe in your own words what the lecturer was saying. Say what?! How the fuck is that a test of someone's ability to understand English per se? I speak the language fluently and I couldn't understand a fucking word. And I'm not sure if it was because the speech was taken out of context but one chap just seemed to be randomly wittering on about fish. The best I could grasp was, "Sometimes the fish want to feed but sometimes they don't which could be really bad.". I don't think I've ever felt so utterly stupid in my entire life. Well, I probably have but it loses the effect otherwise.

I'm not a thicko. I'd say I was reasonably intelligent. I can string a sentence together which is more that some people manage these days. But how is asking someone to explain complex scientific concepts a test of their ability to understand English? Its like an optician testing your eyesight by getting you to fart the theme from Dad's Army. Is it going to get you to the train station in time for the 3.20 to Chiswick? Or get you a meat & potato pie from Dave's van outside the football stadium? Or secure a room in a Blackpool B&B? What practical use/application does it have?

Maybe its not a test for the average Joe (or Juan) and that's why its so unnecessarily complicated. If so, why get people like me to complete it? I'm baffled. I skipped quite a few questions. I was tempted to give a sarcastic answer but thought it might stop me from getting paid. At least its over now. I was so stressed. I know it doesn't amount to a hill of beans compared to alot of things that are going on in the world right now. Never again. Never.

Oh, and it doesn't inspire much confidence when there's an elementary spelling mistake on one of the first screens. How can someone who doesn't know the difference between 'too' and 'to' test other people on their English? *sigh*

Another one bites.... the dust.

Happy new year!

Lets hope 2008 is a damn sight better than 2007 was. I keep hearing various astrological personages saying its going to be a fab year but judging by alot of my net friends, 2007 bit the big one anyway so the new year can only be better. Here's hoping.

I signed up with a job agency yesterday so with any luck I'll be working again soon albeit in a temporary capacity. And if their zeal for finding people employment is anything like their fastidiousness over the enrolment process then I should be in good hands. Gawd it was like the Spanish Inquisition. And nobody expects that. I had to go through 20 years worth of jobs detailing what I did, why I left etc. Nightmare! I can barely remember stuff from last week never mind some mind-numbing job I did ten years ago. I needed a stiff drink afterwards.

Other than that I've got a media job to apply for if I can manage to stop myself faffing about on Facebook long enough to get it done. Fingers crossed. If procrastination was a qualification that employers were looking for I'd be a managing director by now. Or by tomorrow anyway. Ho ho.

For now I'm carrying on watching daytime TV, surfing on the net and having fun digging out cds I haven't listened to in years to upload into iTunes. I'm also trying to eke out my finances so that I can still go to LA in February without having to worry. And there's a trip to London at the end of the month. Shit I really need a job. Either that or I'm going to have to join the other dole scum and sign on. I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to that. Enquiries must be made.

Lots of fave programmes are back on imminently. New CSI: Las Vegas tonight and we'll find out whether Sara escapes the clutches of the miniature serial killer. I actually know what happens more or less, thanks to various spoilers I've happened across.

Torchwood is also back very soon, there's new ER later this week and the Life on Mars spin off starts soon. TV is my life at the moment.

Shit I need a job. Quick.

Hard Work

Or not as the case may be since I'm still in the ranks of the unemployed. I did have an interview the other week though so fingers crossed for that (though I don't have much hope really). I'll have to sort something out soon as my finances aren't getting any better.

So yet more sitting around watching tv and doing bugger all else. I did actually go to Crosby a couple of weeks ago to see the sculptures on the beach and got some very nice pics. It certainly was windswept. Thank god I took my Thinsulate hat and gloves to keep me warm. I think I'd quite like to live in Crosby if I had wads and wads of cash. The houses around there are huge! There was one in particular that was for sale that was more or less a Victorian mansion. Massive! I did mean to look up on the net how much it was but I never did and no doubt its long since been sold by now. And the beach was only a 5 minute walk away. I'm a bit torn about where I want to live. On the one hand I'd like to live in the suburbs of a nice vibrant city, preferably Manchester of course. On the other hand though I'd love to live by the sea. I went to Bournemouth for a friend's wedding a few years ago and really liked it. Quaint but not too old fashioned and with a good vibe about it. And the weather is slightly more likely to be warm than oop North.

Crosby was very nice though, not that I saw a huge amount of it. I'll have to go back sometime and check out the town properly. I've been watching 'Escape to the Country' this morning and there were some gorgeous houses in Somerset on there. Really big old victorian houses, one decorated almost exactly how I'd want mine to be, and there was even a converted chapel which had a wonderful stained glass window in the master bedroom. *sigh* I can't do anything but fantasise at the moment though. I couldn't even afford a modest flat and that was before I quit my job. Damn.

I've been thinking about going back to temping. If only to get some money flowing into my account until I decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. The BBC are due for their move to Salford in the next couple of years and I have hopes that I'll get in there at some level. A nice admin job would do. I don't imagine I'll realise my dreams of becoming a camera operator but you never know, eh?

At least I have a workable cv now and plenty of tips on how to prepare for interviews. The only problem is my nerves have a tendency of getting to me and I burble incoherently when I get nervous. Which is what I did a bit in that interview the other week. Oh well.

Dole Scum

What ho!

Gawd I'm bored sh*tless.

I've been a member of the ranks of the unemployed for just over a week now and I'm bored to death by it. Bored of watching telly, bored of surfing the net, bored of getting up late just because I can, bored bored bored.

So why do I still do it when I could be foisting myself on job agencies, rejigging my CV, answering job ads etc? Because I'm a lazy arsed get. And because 'procrastination' is my middle name. I despair of myself I really do. If anyone (if there is anyone still reading this) has any ideas how I could motivate myself I'd be eternally grateful.

Instead I've been entertaining myself with righteous anger at the Royal Mail who can't manage to deliver a small box of contact lenses to our house. I've tried emails, phone calls, actually turning up at the depot. All to no avail. B*st*rds. I've been wearing my scratched specs for the last two weeks. And if anyone makes any waggish comments re going to Specsavers I'll have to point out quite tersely that that's where I got my specs in the first place. So there.

I haven't even taken advantage of the break to go somewhere nice. I'd half planned to go to Crosby to see the Anthony Gormley art installation/sculptures on the beach. I like beaches I do. Better in summer but there's something to be said for being all gothic and windswept on a beach in autumn. Or is it winter now? I haven't even been into Manchester. Maybe i'll do that tomorrow as the weather won't be good enough for gothic gazing off into the middle distance in Crosby.

I have recently been enjoying repeats of Tenko. Just thought I'd drop that in. And Armstrong & Miller are back and as funny as they ever were. Peter Serafinawotsit has been fun, especially 'Gravies of the Ancients' which had me giggling lots but Vivienne Vyle was awful. Well the first ep just wasn't funny at all so I didn't bother watching any of the rest of it. It hasn't stopped me booking tix to see French & Saunders on tour next year though.

I went to KT Tunstall's gig at the Apollo in Manch the other week and it was excellent. No surprise there then. I think the entire lesbian population of Manchester was there. Some cuties included. Last night I went to see the Nunkie Theatre Company's MR James thang at the Bury Met. Just the thing for Halloween, having a chap dressed as James in victorian costume telling a couple of his spooky stories. Very very atmospheric and creepy. Fab. I love MR James stories. I really must join the Facebook group.

Oh yeah that's another thing I've been doing. Whoring myself on Facebook. Its amazing how many people I haven't seen for years have turned up on there. Its yet another reason for me to avoid doing my CV.

Just like posting on my blog really.

iLife

Can I get one of these online?

Half of this weekend I've spent uploading lots of lovely things to my new ipod. I still can't get over being able to watch videos on it as well as listen to a helluva lot of music. I'm sure that one of these days the novelty will wear off but still... The first one I uploaded was the rather fabulous 'Lovestoned' by Justin Timberlake. I know its just computer jiggery pokery but I think its amazing. Its all sound waves/graphic equalizer looking stuff. And the song is rather catchy too. I'm a tad disappointed by iTunes though. There seems to be a lack of Beatles stuff... unless I'm just not looking in the right place. I've got most of the hits on a few compilations but I'm after Hey Bulldog which is on the Yellow Submarine album. And I'd rather just get that one track than buy the whole thing. I'm even more disappointed by the music videos section. Some of my favourite (and the most iconic) vids aren't on there. Fatboy Slim's Weapon of Choice, Just and Street Spirit by Radiohead, Outside by George Michael, Confide in Me by Kylie Minogue... not there. There is a way you can request them though which is what I'll do at some point. Oh well.

Once again I'm spending time online when there's other stuff I should be doing. There's ironing which has been sitting there for nigh on two weeks now. God I hate ironing.

Oh and I've handed in my notice at work. Just thought I'd drop that one in. I just can't be there any more, and I'm fed up of being depressed all the time. My boss has been such a sweetie about it. Its making it all the harder to go. God I'm going to miss her. *sigh*

Splurge

I've gone and done it. Finally.

I've joined the ipod generation.

Actually I'd already had a trial membership since my last birthday when my bro gave me his ipod shuffle but now I'm a fully fledged member. Or I will be when it arrives in the post. Ohmygod. Its a silver 80gb ipod classic or somesuch. Nice.

Even nicer now that we've got internet access at home again. Woo hoo! Now I can access all those por... er.... sci fi fan sites I've been missing. Oh yes.

And I've bought a new winter coat. Sainsbugs had 25% off all womens clothing so I bought an almost military style coat, a nice white jumper and a blue t-shirt with a gold pattern on it. Not that I need any more clothes... I'm worrying slightly that I'm using shopping as an emotional crutch lately. Work has been really shit for a while now. Give a bitch a bit of power and she'll turn into a c**t. I hate it and its been making me very depressed. (I must point out that this isn't the same boss who I fancy the arse off and who is completely lovely. No this other one is a complete dog who's obviously lacking alot in her personal life.)

Still its the weekend now and I've got a day and a half before I have to be back there again. *sigh*

Life, eh?