Dukes of Haggard

Its official. I'm looking particularly old and haggard this weekend. One of the dancers in the panto, a little lad called Gregory who's about 7 and daft as a brush, asked me if I used to be his dad's dinner lady. Dinner lady!!! As if? It was bad enough being called a milf on Friday but old enough to be his dad's dinner lady? He also asked me if I really loved the woman who plays principal boy. I replied that I hated her and she was a bitch (which was a complete lie 'cause she's my best mate and I love her to bits) but then told him I was only kidding. He's a strange one that child. He told me I wasn't allowed to swear in the theatre and I apologised but then he seemed to be a bit outraged that two of the older ladies were laughing like drains. "What is it? A theatre or an arcade?" he piped up, "Well, we're not allowed to swear but we are allowed to laugh." I said. And then with perfect timing, and unaware of my conversation with Gregory, one of the chaps jokingly told the ladies off for laughing. "See! I told you!" Gregory shouted.

I was also told a funny anecdote about my godmother this afternoon. Martin, the pianist for the panto, is my godmother's nephew and on our way to rehearsal this afternoon he spotted a familiar shop called Quality Seconds. There's another branch near him and the locals all refer to it as 'Quality Secs' (get it?). Well , apparently my godmother was on a coach trip with some pensioners and was singing the praises of this shop. "You can't beat Quality Secs!" she blurted out without thinking. Oops.

Milfs

Went out for a girly night with my best mate on Friday to her local pub. They usually do mulled wine this time of year so we were rather disappointed when they didn't have any. Had two large glasses of red wine each instead and got rather trolleyed, put the world to rights, talked about sex (as us girlies tend to do don't we?) etc. Calling into the nearest tandoori take-away later we got chatting to a group of 'lads'. One of them was chattier than the rest and we laughed when he asked the staff for a real 'botty burner' of a curry. He complained, "I've had a lot to drink and I'm quite pissed." to which my mate replied, "What was that? Two halves of diet coke?" and I laughed so much I nearly weed myself. He also called us milfs and asked us if we knew what it meant so I pointed out that neither of us had kids so we couldn't be mothers [he'd like to fuck]. He must have had an eye problem. My mate is in her early 40s but I'm only 33 and I've been told I look 25ish so why he referred to me as a milf I'll never know. Did I look particularly old that night? Or is he one of those young 'uns that considers 25 to be old? And then he said that if we didn't have kids, were we lesbians? Honestly, how clueless can you be? My mate replied that it was "More complicated than that..". I just lied & said no (its really none of their business) but I don't know why she didn't just say she was straight and happily married (which she is). We left with our chicken karahi and onion bhajis then so didn't see their presumably puzzled reaction. Bet they'll be scratching their heads over that one for weeks...

Senility

The mind is a funny old thing isn't it? I've just been trawling some of the messageboards I'm on and posted that Chris Boucher (Dr Who/Blakes 7/Star Cops writer) reminded me of Robin Cook. Except that I couldn't remember the name 'Robin Cook' so described him as that MP who looks like a gnome & doesn't speak properly. I predicted that as soon as I'd posted the message I'd remember his name and sure enough I did. I think I'm going senile. I've been disturbingly absent minded lately. I'd give you some examples but I can't remember any.

Ulp! Just over a week to go before the opening night of the panto. And I'm being picked up for rehearsal in half an hour and haven't eaten my tea yet.

And my room still needs dusting and hoovering.

Such is life...

Guess where I am?

The keyboard is clean & working properly. Its warm. I have caffeine free Diet Coke & Tuc biscuits on tap. I can print things off.....

I'm at home!!!!

Woo hoo the PC is working again. My bedroom needs dusting and hoovering but who cares? I'm on t'internet.

Snow joke

Thursday the 18th of November and we have the first bit of snow this winter. Very early IMHO. I don't remember it starting so early in previous years. So of course I was filled with deep joy. I hate the winter. Its so cold, grey, wet and depressing. I don't mind so much when the sky is blue and its cold and the snow looks pretty but I hate the rain and lack of light. And muddy slush that you slip & break your neck on. It is a good excuse to eat comfort food though. I've eaten nothing but junk this week - burgers, pasties, chicken fajitas, bread & butter pudding... I have bought a tin of Heinz tomato soup though so at least there's something vaguely healthy in the cupboard.

I've been Xmas shopping today. Buying a few bits here & there. I was going to go to that garden centre I mentioned that had the Xmas displays but my mum told me they've sold out of most stuff so I came to Manchester instead. Its been fairly successful though I haven't managed to find a reasonably priced pair of Doc Martens for myself. I'd assumed that Afflecks Palace would have some but they mustn't be in vogue with the sk8er kids at the mo so they didn't have any. The only place that sold them was an outdoorsy/army surplus store and they were £60!!! So I'll have to wait until I make a trip down to London and go to Camden Market. I fancy a pair of purple ones.

New comedy I've discovered has been keeping the SAD at bay. I'd never watched Little Britain before but a mate recommended it so I gave it a go. God its funny, and stunningly accurate. I haven't picked out a favourite yet but the chap in the wheelchair and the chav girl are very good. And then there's 2DTV and the return of Dead Ringers. Funniest by far though is Max & Paddy's Road to Nowhere which has had me in fits both weeks. In ep 1 it was the 80s dance film piss take and last night it was 'Willy Wanker and the Chocolate Factory'. I haven't laughed so much in ages.

And we're a step closer to having a working computer, finally. My brother's mate is helping him install the new hard drive as I type. He should have also bought a new printer today. Woo hoo!

Never been so insulated...

I have finally made a decision regarding my job. As of Monday, and after much negotiation, I will be working for another contractor separate from all the other staff at AM. It took a while but we finally got there. I've been agonising over it for the last couple of weeks. Just when I thought I'd made a decision something would happen and I'd be back to square one again. The climax of this being my new employer's original pay offer. I work 35 hours a week for a certain hourly pay and the potential new boss phoned me to discuss new terms. He said they'd be paying me more per week than I was on at the moment - £7 more. He kept stressing that this was more than I was on already. The trouble was that the hours would be 40 per week. Now you don't have to be Carol Vorderman to work that one out do you? £7 for an extra 5 hours work. Needless to say I told them to sod off and eventually they came back with a better offer.

Spoke to K (girl I used to work with at AM) on Friday who, it turns out, has also been faced with a similar choice. As with everyone else (including me) she could transfer to another contractor, E, or she was offered another job with AM in a different dept. She's also been offered a job with a mystery 3rd employer. I've got a horrible sinking feeling that this may be the same employer I've accepted a job with. Please God don't let it be them. She's a lazy cow who thinks I'm her personal doormat and I really don't want to work directly with her again. Ever.

Uninspired

I'm feeling strangely uninspired this week. Went to a bonfire party last night which was fun despite it pissing down all night. Fireworks good, food good, didn't drink too much so I'm sans hangover today..... which is nice. The only fly in the ointment was a snidey comment from one of the older women there. As I was walking with my 4 cans of Fosters to the bar area she said "You're not going to drink all of those are you?" to which I retorted, " Yes - probably!". Snidey cow. Actually I only drank 2 1/2 of them and a snifter of Southern Comfort but I didn't tell her that. Felt like giving her a slap...

Anyway, this week/month/whatever I am mostly...

Watching - New Battlestar Galactica which is bloody marvellous and the new female Starbuck works really well, Hex which is good fun and I love the straight female/lesbian ghost dynamic, Stargate SG1 and Atlantis, QI, Most Haunted, The L Word, Arrested Development (v funny), new French & Saunders (a bit hit & miss frankly though the Most Haunted spoof had me laughing my ass off) and just finished watching Six Feet Under.

Listening - Nicked my brother's Evanescence CD the other day so I've had that on most of the time, dug out an old B52s cd that I've not heard for years, some Beatles and I'm going to pop into HMV in a bit to see if they've got the first Lemon Jelly cd and to look for some Scissor Sisters singles. I bought Mary the other week and its got a very silly cover version of Franz Ferdinand's 'Take me Out' on it. Fab.

Reading - Bugger all other than flicking through the new Stargate magazine. I don't have much time/patience to read these days but I am tempted to buy Joanna Lumley's new autobiography. She was my first role model and heroine when I was hooked on The New Avengers at the tender age of six. I even asked my mum if I could have a Purdey hair cut. She said yes but on looking at old photos of me the finished cut didn't really look the same (although I didn't notice at the time). They never do, do they? Over the years I've tried a Carol Decker (remember her?) and a Davina McCall but I always end up disappointed. The only one that ever succeeded was a Peri (Dr Who companion) but that was just an ordinary bob and you can't go far wrong with one of those.